so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
