Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
