You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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