i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im holly from the hills drunk
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
