I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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