Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do vagina's smell?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
