So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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