And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
