so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
