Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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