so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This house was built for laser tag.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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