you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
