I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize