I'm so fucking centered right now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
