I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She's the barista slut.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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