I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
