So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
