Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
