I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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