so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
