oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
