I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize