As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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