Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
