If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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