That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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