Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
