My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
