Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Im part way to drunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
