No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
