I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
