im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
