ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i think i have two assholes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize