The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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