Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
