I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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