you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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