mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
