I'll bet she douches with gravy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
