I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
