genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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