PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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