I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
