i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize