I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
