If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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