Will you blow on my dice?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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