; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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