my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize