Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
