"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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