It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize