guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
