so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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