She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
