Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize