Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
