She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
