Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
