I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
