Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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