why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
