Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize