he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
