at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
