Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
