You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wish you could order shots online.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
