I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
