Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
