we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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