i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
