Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
